Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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