beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im part way to drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
