i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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