"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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