I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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