I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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