Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize