I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
