Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Blood and glitter go together right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
