Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
one might say we're banned from that church
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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