When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
