hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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