p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
