I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
