I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
