It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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