Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
