how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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