your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
