oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
