we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My balls are so social today.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
