He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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