All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
