i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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