You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Mom said you looked used
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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