You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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