just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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