Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
