i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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