I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
