dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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