He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
