So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
