I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize