i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
