I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
