So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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