I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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