Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
