Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize