Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
