Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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