help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
