U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
