five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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