The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
