My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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