the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
God I need to hump something, right now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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