dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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