i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
