I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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