yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
