my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
