i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
