I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize