She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
