He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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