I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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