I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
