Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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