You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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