Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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