i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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