well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
