Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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