Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
