About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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