the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
