dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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