i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
