if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
