i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
