I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
