u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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