apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
