wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
