I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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