I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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