Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
