It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
