No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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