ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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