Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
