Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
