Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize