You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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