This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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