Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
