you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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