Heybabeimwearingurpanties
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
