pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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