I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
