Me too!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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