You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
