You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
