1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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