Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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