i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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