Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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