Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
