I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
