Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
