We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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