I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
