last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
