Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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