Tell her she can't have a vagina
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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