Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
