I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize