Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
