if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
