No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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