If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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