peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
