I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
