Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
