I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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