dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize