:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
