this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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