I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
